Once is Never Enough, Starring John Jackson Moore as Rab

Right at the dog's arse of Volume 3 part 2 and reluctant to finish up with it. Very intense at the moment and I know it spirals down into some weird shit at the end so I feel a little wary of facing it in case it's really... can't think of the right word here.

Overwritten... maybe. Not sure why that bothers me since overwritten is always the easiest thing to fix.

Writers' tip: if you have a piece of writing that feels overcooked to you, i.e. sounds like it belongs in a comic, bad TV soap or a bodice ripper then simply do the following:-

1. Remove all swear words, including God, damn, golly, gosh. In fact, remove all exclamations (I'm assuming here you have some skill and have not used any actual exclamation points. You haven't, have you?)
2. Remove all adverbs. This latter may reveal some holes in your writing. Do NOT be lazy and be tempted to replace any adverbs. People don't pay you money (and even if you're not being paid this is not an excuse for sloppy writing) so that you can be lazy. If you need to clarify the way a person is feeling there are better ways of doing it than adverbs. Sometimes, for clarity, you do have to use an adverb, otherwise you can end up with over-tortuous 'artistic' prose (don't overdo that either unless you're running for the Booker - being 'poetic' should be left to poets). But any adverbs you do need should be replaced after you've first removed them all to see what is actually needed.
3. Look at what you have left and see if it's salvageable. If you find it is now flat and boring it has been bad, lazy writing to start with. You need to start again, thinking more carefully about the emotions you are trying to convey and how your characters would convey them - and this doesn't necessarily involve clever descriptive words or phrases on your part. We don't care what you think, we want to know what they think.
4. If you're left with something better, by all means go back in and restore some choice sharp swear words (be sparing) and any odd adverb (only if you need them, of course). DO NOT, I shall repeat that, DO NOT restore any adverbs or pretty phrases because you think they will impress anyone reading it with your scholarship. This is not a college essay, and your mother loves you anyway (trust me, if she doesn't an original description of moon on water isn't going to fix that.)

So, reckon I should bring out Chancery Stone's How to Write then?

Yep, definitely. Market for that.

Need a good title though.

My autobiography has already been named. It's going to be called Fucked. But my masterwork guide to the writer's craft - 'Throw all your other books away, the bible is here', ooooh, a selling slogan - can't think what to call that.

Something arrogant and strident, I think, in keeping with my reputation. How about The Writer's Guide to Genius? Yeah, I kinda like that.

We've finally (almost) decorated my office (I currently work at the dining table - where I am now) and so I have been unpacking all my much-needed books (not other writers - we're talking dictionaries, guides on how to use a full stop, such-like).

I keep what are, or were, called Progress Logs. This habit started - although I'd been a diary keeper for years previously, until I got disillusioned with both writing and my own whining - when I started writing in Cumbria. I was dissatisfied with what I'd been turning out (too much poetry and not enough narrative) and I felt I needed some help, so I read Natalie Goldberg's 'Writing Down the Bones' - one of the very few writers' books I've ever read that was remotely helpful. She recommended rapid writing (writing first draft without stopping, editing or self-censorship) and progress logs where you keep a note of your - you guessed it - progress. Both were absolutely invaluable. I combined this with Joe Karbo's (The Lazy Man's Way to Riches) accessing your 'unconscious computer' (this is simply asking your subconscious to turn up what you need) and bingo - DANNY was born.

Of course, it wasn't nearly as simple as this, as the old progress logs testify, but unpacking gave me the opportunity to reread the early ones when DANNY was being born and they make for fascinating reading.

The two most striking things for me, reading them now, is the huge plot differences between what the book is now and what it was then, and the sheer amount of work that was thrown away. Believe it or not I had completely forgotten this aspect of the process.

Nearly every other day 1-3 pages, usually the last ones written, were thrown away the following day before taking up the narrative again.

Occasionally, like when a private detective was introduced in Volume 1 (yeah, it scared me too), several days work was discarded, usually only on the strength that it 'felt' wrong.

I don't know if I've ever mentioned the fact that Rab was originally John. John only appeared a while into the story and only slowly began to take on some of his present characteristics. Originally he was a rather ghostly, uncertain, resentful creature. I realised quite well into the book (after the escape to Jerrett's, for those who know Volume 1) that John was, indeed, the true John, and Rab but a pale shadow. Subsequently he had to become someone different. That meant that when I was typing the first volume up I had to completely rewrite the start of the book, replacing characters and completely rewriting scenes that they appeared in together.

And how about these, all of which I'd forgotten:-

Rab was originally fucking Margaret on the side (yeah, I know, the faggot and the frigid - it's great, isn't it?). Danny was originally only ever referred to as Daniel, the contraction of his name was never used. The book's original title was Once is Never Enough, which sounds alarmingly like a James Bond movie, but actually came from the fact that the phrase was used repeatedly by people talking about Danny. I'm pretty sure it doesn't even occur in the book now. I must use a search and see.

Anyway, I thought, in honour of the unearthing of the old logs, those of you who have read DANNY (and any amateur writers amongst the rest of you) might enjoy the following.

This is my Progress Log entry for the day DANNY was begun. Any comments that appear in square brackets are modern-me sticking my nose in. Any original round brackets are the... originals.

Remember, this is Stone talking to Stone and was a) not intended for publication and b) has not been edited or censored for the present publication. Enjoy.

Friday July 27 th 1990. 4:10 pm

Here we are. Not in the garden for a change, but sitting in the window seat watching the rain. Lovely day, just right for writing. Hang on till I put the lights out. And a spider, and, and, and - nothing but distractions today.

Just going to have a bash at Rapidwriting. Here goes nothing, as the Deals would say. [Sadly, no idea now who or what the Deals were.]

5:50 pm. Stopping for a minute or two. Done about 4 or 5 pages but have just caught myself telling a story, not the story. Not the one that's in there but the one you might feasibly expect. Slow going. Is this going to be a new trend? Is being careful what you say good or bad? No, I'm not so much being careful what I say as having to think all the time. Is this what I want to say? What do I tell everyone now? Should it be telling itself? [I love little gems like this. Watching the structure of DANNY sneaking into my head.] If you waited for "inspiration" you'd never write another word - maybe. You can never tell if you're doing right or wrong.

I was putting in detail because it was real. Vacuous. I'm not here to report. I'm here to tell it like it is underneath . What they do on top is not what it's all about. Life does not imitate art. Cumbria's Catherine Cookson. God forbid.

The trouble with telling it like it is ------

------ is you go for tea and forget what you were going to say. I think I was going to say the trouble with telling it like it is, is, you don't know how it is till you tell it. You're learning as you go along so... you make mistakes. Occasionally you think you are telling it when you're only repeating it.

Right, 7 pm, back to work.

7.45 pm. Did another page and a bit. See what I mean about it being slow? However, I don't think I like the last para. I think I may knock it out, but I'll leave it till tomorrow just in case I'm making a mistake.

Very slow work today, I don't feel specifically bad about it - just confused as to what's going on. What I need from my U/C [unconscious computer] tomorrow is what happens next. I've got a conflict, young boy with the hots and nowhere for them to run. I need to know where they're going to run. What happens next? Or should that be who happens next? It doesn't need to be that woman herself [absolutely no idea who this 'woman' is - I suspect she was shredded], but she's going to be the catalyst, the match in the haystack. Okay, come clean, this guy's got to have red hair. These redheads incite me to riot. ["These redheads" were real people. Twin 18/19 year old farmhands who lived next door. And, yes, they were the original inspiration for Danny, the man.] Hopefully no-one will spot it, eh? (Some fucking hope.) [Well, I was right, since I've just given it away.] But he is a different character already. All that lust and nowhere to go. It must go somewhere. Please U/C let it be good. Give me something to get my teeth into. I'm getting a sore stomach here just thinking about it.

I feel bad, cancel all previous statements. I feel unhappy and resentful. Not like the proverbial, wonderful writer I'm supposed to be so comfortable to be.

I don't know what I'm doing this for. I sit here in my window writing life when the rest of them are down there living it - what the fuck's this all about? I'm fed up and my bum's sore. Fuck it.

There you have it. That is the entirety of a genius' profound thoughts on the very day of the birthing of a modern masterpiece.

I especially liked the "My bum's sore."

I reckon posterity may remember me for that.